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Notorious News: Conor McGregor and the Funky Bunch?

It’s good to be Conor McGregor right now (or rather it’s good to be as successful as he is; we would most certainly react like Gregor Samsa if we woke up one morning to discover we turned into Conor McGregor overnight). An MMA betting sure-shot, the Irish brawler tops two different weight divisions and became the first fighter in the history of the UFC to hold titles in two divisions at the same time by virtue of defeating Eddie Alvarez at UFC 205. Better yet, it appears as if Marky Mark himself, Mark Wahlberg, would like to add McGregor to his Entourage – or his “posse” as Phil Jackson would say.

The Notorious One had a couple of shocking announcements following his decimation of Alvarez. First and most shocking, he is going to spawn. Yarrr! That’s going to replace the whale in our nightmares. Second, he said (threatened? promised?) he is not going to fight again until he gets a “real slice” of the company. That is, he wants to bet on UFC proper, the promotion, as an enterprise, a business venture, as the entrepreneur that he says he is. He did ask a very sensible question, though; “who owns the company now?” The answer is, pretty much everybody. We wouldn’t be surprised if we owned part of the UFC too (a third announcement, something along the lines of “I stole my strut from Vince McMahon” sadly did not occur).

Thankfully for MMA betting fans, one Mark Wahlberg – know for co-starring opposite furry, doughy entities like the bear from Ted and also Will Ferrell – is ready, willing and able to “give (McGregor) a piece of mine.” By which he hopefully meant his UFC share. “He deserves that,” added the actor. “He’s a hustler like me, so there’s probably a lot of other opportunities for us to go out there and make money together.” Hmm, a “hustler”? Well, he did play the hell out of Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights, so we’ll give him that.

“He is the face of the UFC right now,” concluded Wahlberg. Talk about a face only a mother could love. Speaking of which, McGregor on-and-off BFF Dana White came to the defense of the double champ when Floyd ‘Money’ Mayweather said it was disrespectful being compared to McGregor all the time, since elephants don’t beef with ants. To which White responded that “Floyd puts people to sleep too, with his fighting style, not with his hands.”

Both make valid points. On the one hand, elephants do not in fact beef with ants. And on the other, Money’s fighting is style is, how shall we put it, morose? lethargic? methodical? Let’s go with methodical. Which comes to show that even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while. According to CBS, McGregor will get in a boxing match with Mayweather for a cool $100 million. Is that still going on? Really? First of all, it’s apple and oranges; like doing some MMA betting on a water polo match. And second, why can’t these two just share a black and white and be done with it? If people would only look to the cookie all our problems would be solved.