The Cleveland Browns are 6-1 (in an alternate timeline)
Posted by: Anthony Yaylor
Earth-Two fans who bet on NFL are happy because there, the Cleveland Browns are 6-1. Or maybe 4-3. Either way, it’s better than the 0-8 hole they currently are in in our reality. The Browns traded out of the No. 2 overall pick in the draft which was tantamount to not drafting now-Philadelphia Eagles starting QB Carson Wentz. As it turns out, Browns head coach has admitted to Cleveland.com that current Dallas Cowboys Dak Prescott “was definitely a guy that was in consideration” but they passed on him as well. We’re starting to think Jackson might quarterback-blind. You’re not running a bullpen here Hue, but somehow you have more QBs than the Indians have starting pitchers.
“Obviously we have the guy that we took and they have the guy that they took,” Jackson added, thus solving that particular mystery. “Everybody has the right guy for them, and he fits for them.” If by “everybody” he means the Cowboys and the Eagles, and by “the right guy” he means Prescott and Wentz, then he’s absolutely right. No knock on the Brown’s actual pick, Cody Kessler. If anything he’s the real victim here. As well as living proof of how lucky Prescott and Wentz are; if they’d been picked by the Browns, NFL betting online odds are they would be injured by now.
If fans who bet on NFL believed in such things as ghosts, aliens, or creationism, they would certainly think that Johnny Manziel put a curse on the Browns QB spot. Just look at the list: Robert Griffin III (shoulder injury), Josh McCown (collarbone fracture), Charlie Whitehurst (hyper-extended knee), Kessler (concussion). One can only shudder at the fates that might await the likes of Kevin Hogan and Joe Callahan; botched hypnotism session, gigantism, disappearing in “Cleveland’s Mystery Spot,” etc. Yet, Kessler is set to return as the starting QB having been cleared from his concussion. Though wanting to return might actually be a sign he’s still concussed.
Actually, Cody wanted to get out of quarterbacking for the Browns, but there was a catch. Catch-22, which specifies that a concern for one’s own safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn’t really crazy. In lay terms, Cody would have to be crazy to want to quarterback for the Browns, and sane if he doesn’t want to, but if he’s sane then he has to. We wish we had proof of this, but they don’t have to show us Catch-22. The law says they don’t have to. What law says they don’t have to? Catch-22.
Fans who bet on NFL may not agree with this, but we think Jackson should actually go full circle and bring Johnny Football back. He even went back to school, so it would be kinda sorta like drafting him all over again. Short of going back in time, this might be the only opportunity to erase the mistakes from the past and start all over again.